"The Death Of My Love"

by: crimsonxroses, another freeweb author.

All credit for its creation belongs to her, 
I used it with her permission.



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  I walked wearily down the hallway, completely in a daze.I wanted to run 
to the room where my best friend lay dying...but I couldn't.
  I just walked slowly, dragging my feet behind me in the dim light of the 
hospital hallway.  My eyes were worn; slowly closing...but I couldn't fall 
asleep.  How does one fall asleep, or even dare to sleep when their best 
friend is dying?

   I rounded the corner and walked slowly into the bright hospital room, 
the one that was supposed to contain my best friend.  "Tyler..." I 
whispered, searching through the blinding light to make sure it was his 
face I saw.  "Tyler!" I shrieked, my voice growing frantic as I ran over 
to him.

   "Oh, Tyler," I said quietly, grasping his hand in mine.  Tears began to 
well up in my eyes as I looked at his pale face, staring blankly back at me.  
I had never seen him look so ghastly before.  But that was not what haunted 
me the most, his honey brown eyes had lost their sparkle, and did not show 
emotion.  His eyes...the liveliest part of him, had fallen .

   "Daniella?"  His voice finally managed.  I nodded.  He smiled back at me, 
but looked away.  I clutched his hand tighter in mine.

   "Tyler, why didn't you tell me before?  I thought we were best friends.  
Tyler...people don't keep secrets like this from each other, especially 
from their best friends!"  My voice rang out, an octave higher than intended.

   "Daniella...you have to understand.  I was doing it for your own safety."

   "My own saftey?" My voice began to get edgy.  I shuddered.  "Tyler, here 
you are, in your bed, telling me the only reason I didn't know before was for 
my own safety?  Are you crazy?

   Tyler smiled slightly and shook his head.  "You'd be on edge all of the 
time, Ella.  Don't you understand?"

   I cringed as he used the nick name he used to always call me by.  'Ella.'  
I shuddered a second time.  

   "I didn't want you to worry about me.  I knew you'd be really upset..."

   "Damn right I'm upset!  Tyler, the doctors said that you are going to die!  
This stage of cancer...all this time...it's !  and to keep it all away from 
me...your best friend..." I managed to choke out the last sentance quietly.

   He brought his other hand around and lightly brushed it against my face, 
holding it on my cheek.  "Daniella, do you really want to be mad at me right 
now?  Can you be mad at me later?  Please?  I don't want to die like this, 
fighting with you."

   I choked as I took in the words he spoke.  "Tyler, I'm so sorry."  I stood 
up and managed to somehow embrace him in an awkward hug while he was still 
lying down on the hospital bed.

   "It's okay, Ella.  I forgive you.  I always will, you know that."  I removed 
my arms from around hm and he moved slightly over in the hospital bed.  "Sit 
here, please?" he asked, patting the space in the bed next to him.  I sat down, 
watching his reaction.  I was so glad that I could be right here with him.  
He smiled at me, taking my hand.

   "Daniella, there's something I need to tell you...right now.  But, I want 
your permission first."  The look on his face was so eager.  However, I was 
utterly confused.  What could he possibly want to say to me that he hasn't 
already said?  Or, at least that he'd want my permission for.

   "Um, yeah, sure, Tyler.  Anything."

   "Daniella...you are the most beautiful I have ever seen in my entire life.  
Inside and out, you are perfect to me.  you are, and will always be, no matter 
what happens to me, my best friend.  I love you."

   My eyes welled up with tears.  "I love you too, Tyler."  That was all I 
managed to force out, in fear that I would burst out into hysterical sobs.  I 
didn't want to lose my best friend.

   Tyler grew silent.  My eyes stared blankly at the bare, gray wall in front 
of me.  What would I do if I really lost my best friend...tonight?  Or...just 
at all.  How would I be able to handle it?  I looked down at Tyler's beautiful 
face, his eyes were closed.  I could tell from the sound of the machine that 
was hooked up to him, though, that he was still breathing.  Would I want to be 
there when my best friend died...and took all of my love with him?  I had known 
for a long time now that I loved Tyler, though I had never told him until 
tonight.  We had been friend for years, growing closer every day.  At that 
rate...how could we not love each other?

   Suddenly, all of our old time memories came rushing back to me, and oddly 
enough, they were in chronological order.  I remember running around with him 
in the apple orchards when I was seven.  When I was twelve I would wanter 
around the trees at night, and feel an apple hit my back.  I would shriek, 
and run away in fear, only to find out it was just Tyler trying to scare me.

  Then of course the memories grew more vivid and intense as we got older.  
Sitting on the back porch swing, just talking and laughing like the good 
friends we were.  Or when we'd walk hand in hand through the orchards together...

   The last memory that flashed before my eyes was of just a few weeks ago.  
It was about ten o'clock, and my parents were sleeping.  There was a tap on 
my window.  When I went to look outside, there was Tyler standing outside.  
I had smiled at him, and then sunck outside to greet him in a warm embrace.  
He drove down to a nearby creek, and stopped there.  We sat at the edge of the 
bank, my toes in the cool water, as we simply held a conversation with one 
another.  But it was one of the best times of my life.

   Yes, I suppose we both had always loved each other, and we both knew that 
we loved each other, but had never admitted it.  We had the best times together...
when ever I was with him, I was always happy.  Unless he was upset...then I was 
upset too.  But I would always try to comfort him, and he would do the same for 
me.  He was my only best friend, I had one other friend, but she was not nearly 
as close to me, nor as dear to me.  I would take a bullet for her though, but 
I'd take a thousand for Tyler.

  Again, the thoughts of losing my best friend crossed my mind.  Next to me, he 
lied with cancer rotting away his brain.  If only I could take his place!  I 
would do it any day, for him.  I looked down at him once again.  He was staring 
back at me, with his blank expression.  He must have noticed that I was upset 
though, because he sat up and wrapped his arms around me.  Tears flowed from my 
eyes again.

   "Daniella, don't cry.  Please don't cry," he whispered in my ear.  "I love you; 
it tears me apart to see you cry..."

   I muffled my sobs, and sat up straight.  He removed his arms from around me, 
but I grabbed one of his hands and kept it in between mine.  He smiled back up 
at me, his eyelids still slowly falling over his beautiful eyes.  Even when they 
were lifeless, even when he was seemingly lifeless, he was beatuiful.

   "There's one more thing...Ella," he whispered.

   "Anything."

   "Please, promise me...you won't forget me..." his voice drifted off.

   "Tyler...that's absurd!  I could never, and would never forget you.  I 
promise," I whispered as I lightly kissed the back of his palm.

   Suddenly, his hand went limp in mine.  Shocked, I turned to see his face; it 
was paler than before, his eyes still closed.  But he looked oddly at peace.  
'No.'  I thought.  'No, no, no, no, NO!' I shouted in my head.  I hadn't realized 
it right away, but finally I heard the drawn out beep of the machine that measured 
his heart rate.

   About a minute later, a nurse came in the room.

   "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave..." she said, her voice 
trailing off.  "I'm...so...sorry..."

   I got up off the hospital bed, placing Tyler's hand across his chest, and left 
the room quickly, without looking back.

   When I got out of the hospital, small drops of rain began to fall from the dark 
clouds above me.  Without warning, a ruby-throated humming bird flew by me quickly, 
and perched itself on a tree branch near me.  I found it a bit odd; I'd never seen 
a ruby-throated humming bird in town before.

   I stopped in my tracks.  A ruby-thorated hummingbird, that's the bird that Tyler 
always compared me to.  That was our bird.  He called me a ruby-throated hummingbird 
for several reasons.  One reason was because my favorite gem was a ruby.  Once, he 
even bought me a beautiful necklace with a ruby in it.  The other reason was 
because he called me his little hummingbird, allways fluttering around.  Somewhat 
hyper, but yet I was able to maintain beauty and elegance at the same time.  The 
tears were really rolling down my face now, but no one would be able to tell, because 
it was raining.

   The drive back home was all a blur.  Actually, the next couple of weeks were a 
blur.  All that I really remembered was telling my parents that he was , and attending 
his funeral.  I had to put on a real facade if I ever wanted to get through it.  
I didn't cry until I got home...but I also never looked at his body during the viewing.

   I rememered that the next couple of weeks passed slowly and painfully for me.  
I was so glad to graduate and head to college.  No on I knew would be there...and 
no one would bring up Tyler.  yes, I still cried every now and then, especially 
when I saw a hummingbird...but I was slowly getting over the loss of him.  At least, 
that's what I wanted myself to think.

   "Daniella, you can't hold onto him like this!" Teresa yelled at me.  She was the 
only other friend I had at the time when Tyler was still alive.  I stared back at 
her in disbelief.

   "Teresa!  Don't you get it?  Tyler was the person I was in love with, the person 
that I am in love with.  I am not going to marry someone else!"

   "You can't marry a person, Daniella..." she knew she would regret saying that.

   I pivoted on heel.  "What did you say?" I hissed back at her.  "Tyler is alive 
in my heart, Teresa, and that's all that matters."

   She took a deep breath as her misty grey eyes stared into mine, reflecting each 
other.  "I know it's hard...but you have to let go at some point.  Don't you think 
he'd want you to be happy?  Honestly, Daniella.  He loved you, but I don't think 
that he'd be selfish enough to put you through all this pain."

   My eyes were downcast, toward the floor.  She had me convinced.  I nodded slightly, 
still not looking back at her.  I suppose she did have a point.  Tyler would 
definately want me to be happy.  But I didn't want to marry anyone else.  
I wanted to marry him.  'This is rediculous, Daniella.  You're twenty-five now.  
It's been seven years...get over it!'  I shouted at myself.  Somehow, just as I 
had figured, it didn't work.

   The wedding was set for a few weeks later.  I was getting married to Thomas 
Claude, as requested by my father.  Anything to make him happy.

   I sighed as I looked at my reflection in the long mirror.  I looked like the 
Easter bunny in a large, stuffed up costume.  As I was laughing slightly at my 
reflection, there was a light knock on the door.

   "Come in," I managed to get out.

   "Hey..." Thomas' voice whispered.  "I know it is bad luck for the bride and 
groom to see each other before the wedding...but I just had to come see you.  You 
seemed a bit uneasy this morning."

   "I'm alright, Thomas.  Thank you."

   "Okay...I love you, Ella.  See you soon."  He walked out, the door clicking 
shut behind him.

   I was so glad he didn't see me cringe as he called me by Tyler's nickname.  
Tyler was the only one permitted to call me that.&nbs ; , ow...no one was allowed 
to call me that.  I closed my eyes, and inhaled deeply.

   The next few minutes flew by quickly.  I didn't remember walking down the isle, 
but I knew I must have, considering the fact that I was now facing my soon to be 
husband, and the preacher was standing before us.  He droned on with all of his 
talking.  But my mind was else where.  I was staring out the window, over Thomas' 
shoulder.  It peeked out from behind the blanket of dark clouds.  I thought I saw 
the glint of a rainbow as I heard Thomas' voice proudly announce, "I do."

  I knew it would be my turn soon, but I could not help but look out the window 
when something caught my eye.  Outside, on a tree branch was a ruby-throated 
hummingbird, it's eyes locking with mine.  I smiled, and looked away from it as a 
silent tear slid down my face, glittering as it fell to the carpeted floor.

   Slowly, I repeated everything the preacher had said.  Then he looked at me, 
waiting.  I met eyes with my husband.  "I do," I said, loudly enough for probably 
the whole room to hear.  Thomas seemed satisfied.  I ignored his smugness, and 
returned to my thoughts.

   'I will never forget you, Tyler.  I promise.'